Hatred.
Friday, August 3, 2012, ϟ 0 shout(s)
I have no idea why I'm doing this even when I'm supposed to be doing my presentation speech right now when the presentation is in less than 9 hours away but I have to get this off my chest or else I will have a nervous breakdown in class or something which I will never ever want that to happen considering the situation isn't good already.
What I really want to say is the hatred. Why, is there so much hatred at a single place. Why does everybody despise each other secretly. Why doesn't anyone want to help one another. Why the bitching behind one another's back. Why the exclusions. Why ostracize one another.
Why.
Why.
Why.
I get that, I may not be the person you may perceive me as. I may not be the kind of person that you think you can take full advantage of. You may think that I'm oblivious of everything, and that I'm ignorant. But the fact is, I am not. I have been aware ever since the very start. Right now, I'm deeply regretting that I made the switch. I should have stayed. I should not have been suffering in silence like this. Imagine, going to school, putting on a fake smile to everyone and anyone who secretly loathes you. Imagine how that feels. Imagine how I felt when the very person that you switched for cast you aside. Used you and then throw you away like some fucking piece of paper napkin. Imagine how it feels like when the group that you're always with secretly dislikes you. Imagine how I feel when I try so hard to make an effort to communicate, but get ignored in the end. Imagine how it feels, when you bottle this up for over a year already. The myriad of emotions that I'm feeling how is hardly describable. It is awful. It is pathetic. It makes me feel pathetic. It crushes me everyday. The thing is, it's not just you, it's everyone. Just because someone doesn't communicate as well to you as you do with your closer friends, doesn't mean you are entitled to bitch about them. My loyalty towards all of you are taken advantage of. You know of it, and yet, you continue to make use of me. When you have nobody to turn to, you come to me. When you have nobody to go somewhere with, you come to me. I'm the last thought on all of your minds and do you know how fucked up it feels? You complain to me about how the others are like, but you don't know that I'm always the one there for all of you. And yet when I try to confide to you, you spread it around like wildfire. I trusted all of you, but what do I get?
Truth is, NOBODY CARES.
You PRETEND to care but in actual fact, you don't give a fuck and take my misery as some joke. That's it. I'm going to make a fucking stand for myself. Someday, I will be brave enough to say all this right in your face. But not for now.
Because for now, I'll let all of you enjoy it, and soon it will blow up in your face. Karma's a bitch, but so am I.